well done on your sterling work!

dear sir,

i would like to congratulate you on making the grade, so to speak, although it may have been through no fault of your own but rather the actions of Comrade JZ that elevated you to this eminent position.

hopefully you will be able to carry on the sterling work of your predecessor and ensure that the basket case of Africa is treated with all the respect and attention it deserves, so long as it does not impact upon the election campaign of the party.

i would like to make special mention of the basket case, that being the country and not Comrade Bob, as it has been in the news for a while now and expecially of late with the pesky little cholera problem. can't the world see that even that is a construct of the colonial powers and intended to make a mockery of Comrade Bob's good work? wasn't it Europe who first came up the 'cholera epidemic' idea or doesn't anyone remember the events of the 1850's? isn't it clear that this is just another attempt to disillusion the voters and the world and try to make light of Comrade Bob's single handed liberation of the basket case?

but before i get too worked up about that non-emergency on a national scale, well done on putting the people of COPE back in their place. this is after all the biggest threat that the party has ever had to face in all it's decades of struggling.

who are these people that think that with their revolution they can upstage the party's revolution? not only should they not be allowed to use the words 'congress' and 'people', but i think that they should also be banned from ever using the word 'revolution'. the party practically invented the word and the definition, and that on the same day nogal!

before we know it they will try to use revolutionary tactics, like going door to door during the election campaigns or promising people to do something about crime! that would really be pushing it too far. i think that they should be stopped, we should start our own counter revolution to stop their revolution, or is it our revolution to stop their counter revolution? what if they start saying that Comrade Bob is counter revolutionary?

truthfully speaking, he could never be. there is too much counter space in the basket case, what with the sanctions of the imperialist yankee dog pigs. so there is plenty space for revolution, no need to be counter at all.

in any case, i just wanted to let you know that i support you all the way in these trying times and that i trust the party will uphold the standards of the last 14 years and do exactly as they have done to bring more revolution to the people. (the people of South Africa, not the People of the Congress, they have enough revolution already).

best of luck and may you and Comrade Bob laugh over a cup of tea with Comrade JZ when this is all over.